Sunday, July 11, 2010

Almost 6 years after

I wrote this on my Journal last August 11,2004. It was a Wednesday: I was only 26 then. He was 31.  Now, 6 years later, I am about to turn 33, and he, 40.

Our story is not the typical ex-lovers who after years of being estranged, were reunited back together.  Ours was different because in the first place, we never really missed out on each other's lives. Even after our break up that year, we still managed not to be estranged with each other at all.  We kept that special relationship intact all these years. We did not break the communication. We remained good friends.  For six years we kept tabs on each other's personal lives, personal affairs.  I knew who and when he was dating, he knew who I was with and whom I was fond of. We were open to each other that we still do care for each other, that there is still that special fondness but we never tried anymore to give each other chance. Both of us knew we had to move on, to find our happiness with another person.  And we were ok with it for the past 6 years.

In the last two years, we were both in our respective serious relationships.  I was about to settle down with someone, he was about to propose to his girlfriend.  We were both happy for each other.  But by some twist of fate, my boyfriend and I broke up, and I was alone.  He was there to console me and give me some words of consolation.  And I appreciated that about him.  I envied him because it would seem he has already found the person he would spend the rest of his life with (at that time he was very much in love with his girlfriend and he confided that he had plans of proposing to her November 2009.)  I can only be happy for him.

In the months that would follow my break-up, I unexpectedly fell for someone.  He knew about it and he suggested ways on how to catch that person's attention.  We were just happy comparing notes.  Catching up on each other's lives and wishing each other success in our respective personal lives.  Then December came, in passing I asked if he has already proposed to his girlfriend and  he said that they have already broken up. That was the end of it.  I couldn't exactly describe how I felt when I learned about it.  I guess I was half-glad and half-confused to know it.  I was too scared to probe on what I truly feel because at that time I still have to settle my feelings for another person.  But I was just glad that he was single again.  And I am too.  This time, after 6 years, we are both available.  I am just consoled with this fact.  But that's just about it.  I have no intention  to explore a second chance with him...but I guess opportunity has a way of presenting itself.  Last June, opportunity knocked on our doors.  One simple question led to an unexpected response.  What I thought before as a lost cause, a long shot possibility, proved to be another shot on fulfilling a long hoped-for dream, another chance on love.

The story is not yet over.  It might not end the way I hope it would. But the fact is, fate gave us a second chance; and this is enough for me to continue to hope.  I am posting this journal because I want to remember.  I want to be reminded of that day: hope has no time limit, it knows no bounds.  So I continue to hope from this day forward that one day, in God's time and with God's will, he will fulfill my desire.

The last line of this journal was, "My prayers and hope is still, that one day, I'd find Tony at the end of this journey."  And I can't help but smile because if I think about it, he was with me in my journey all along. He never really left my side or abandoned me.  He was here all this time. I just hope he sticks around until the end.

No comments:

Post a Comment