Almost 2 years ago, I wrote this note to myself. Never published it because I thought and felt it very personal for me. But now I am posting it because I just want to let the whole world know that God has answered my prayer, that is the last line of this note.
I almost forgot about the person I was referring to here, maybe because as the days went by, my connection to this person proved to be just maybe a mere infatuation. In the end, the strong feelings subsided and gradually I began to just regard him as a simple friend. I was not anymore wishing that this friendship be deepened. As months passed by, I am just happy that I have overcome my uneasiness around him.
It is just surprising that lately, this person has done little things for me. We are not that close, and that is why I am beginning to wonder what is the meaning of all these? I couldn't help then to reconsider him again. I couldn't contain my utter gratefulness to God for somehow, still answering my simple wish before, for me to become an important part of this person's life. I said before even if things were different, I would still not wish for him because I regard him as someone unreachable for me, someone who I just want to put high on a pedestal, I have that inner sense that I am not worthy of him. And yet these past few weeks, and months, this person has tried to reach out to me. This person has been my saving glory, my knight in shining armour. At a time when I am down and just feeling low, this person will somehow make me feel special, make me feel worthy. It would seem that he always does things at the right time. He always takes me by surprise! And even this realization now is a great surprise for me. And because of this, I thank him. and I thank God...He is indeed a God of surprises.
be still my heart part 1, May 16,2008
Last night, for some reason (actually I know the reason but I can't disclose it now), I just couldn't fall asleep. I was restless all night and this lasted until around 1:30 in the morning. I only prayed "be still my heart." It seemed that I could not contain my emotions. I'd like to see him, hear from him. Am i falling? I am not sure. And I don't want to pursue even. Not because it is impossible because nothing is impossible with God but even if things were different I know I could never wish for him. I am just happy where he is now. I just pray that I'd become an important part of his life.